:: A Vagrant's Story ::

:: Tuesday, November 04, 2003 ::

Kill me. Kill me now.

:: Kevin 9:06 PM [+] ::
...

Today was okay.
It's one of the few times that I would actually smile for no reason.
Haha...I was grinning like an idiot for no reason.
Why? Because it was raining...sorta...
I love the rain. The sky was so awsome too.

Well, I should start working.
And please excuse the post below,
I was/am bitter and needed to let out.
But the feelings about all of this still holds true.

This is my journal, don't take things at face value.
This is my release. Don't take things at face value.
Although there is a lot of truth to what I write, I usually end up
regreting writing it afterwards. I've never been too good at words either,
anyone who knows me knows that.
But everything below holds true--emotions, thoughts, actions--as all my posts do.

And I'm still wondering if anyone can answer my question from the last post.
Send me an e-mail or something.

Farewell.

:: Kevin 6:14 PM [+] ::
...

[Mood: nostalgic/worthless/alone/loosing will/weee~! ]

[Music: Time Stands Still - All American Rejects]
(now playing)

Him and her
Life is turned.
The day I knew you would leave
I can barely breath
Can you hear me scream?

O - o - o thrown in all directions
You epitome of perfection
She's lost her will,
Time is standing still

He walks, her, home
Now he walks a - lone
The days they turn into years
The eyes they drown in tears

Can you hear me scream?

O - o - o thrown in all directions
You epitome of perfection
She's lost her will,
Time is standing still

The way we are, the way we were
(It's just a shadow of what's wrong)
The time with you the time is stirred
(I love you for, so long)
The hearts they turn, they turn away
(she says to go please don't you cry)
Love lost was found, night turns to day

O - o - o thrown in all directions
You epitome of perfection
She's lost her will,
Time is standing still

Time is standing still
--------------------------------------------------
How it feels to be alone and not believe...

Meh. Hello.
Hm...Halloween wasn't that bad....correction: it was horrible after school.
I was dressed as Robin Hood.
I'll put a pic later on.

After school, I went to alan's house.
From there we went to steph's place.
Steph and alan were messing around with each other,
I kinda felt out of place there.
Ben came over later and we chilled together a bit.
Soon the rest came and we went trick or treating for a bit.
It started to rain too. I love the rain. It was fun.
But people were complaining, so we had to go back.

We divided the loot....sorta....
and from there, most people went up stairs.
I played some marvel vs. capcom 2 with ben down stairs.
Soon ben left and I was alone down stairs....
....I soon begin to wonder why this always happens to me.

I soon left (after I accidentally fell asleep downstairs),
I had enough. It wasn't really fun anymore.

I consider it a waste of an evening....except for the trick or treating part.
The whole event wasn't fun at all and I felt completely out of place. Now looking back, ben was the only person who actually friggin' talked to me.
I read something on ryan's blog about someone hugging him because
he seemed alone....
....did everyone forget about me?---the guy who is sitting alone, walked alone
during the time we trick or treated (though it was kinda peaceful), friggin'-ended-up-sleeping-downstairs cause everybody forgot about him!!

It always happens, no matter how hard I try to stay with the group, everyone leaves me in the dust.

If you read the post below, I took an element quiz. I was thinking I'd get water, but I got ether. And while it may seem like a good thing,
if you notice, ether isn't real!
I suppose it just re-enforces the idea that I don't exist....no matter how good my personality traits are (if they were ever good in the first place)....

All in all, it would have been more fun if I stayed home (like I do every weekend) playing gb or just staring at this damn glowing screen hoping I get brain cancer and die from it.

And people complain that they are so BORED! WTF?!
Just cause they can't go out for ONE fucking WEEKEND!
I live fucking miles away from anyone I know! There aren't any kids in this neighborhood either! I end up alone, at home every friggin' weekend!
And then people complain to me about being bored out of their fucking skulls!!

I swear, I'm going to be the first person to invent something that allows you to stab people's faces over the internet.
I'll patent the damn thing and get friggin' rich.

and the thought goes over and over in my head,
" Why the fuck are you stil alive Kevin? Why do you bother when nobody really notices you in the first place? As it is, you don't really exist at all! And any compassion or empathy you give is an invitation to use you and throw you away. Just die Kevin. Just die. It'll be so much easier for you, and everyone else you know. Hell, as it is, you're already dead."

And you know, the thought is starting to make sense now.
So can you tell me? Can you tell me why I still keep at this?

:: Kevin 5:40 PM [+] ::
...

YOU ARE ETHER!

Well, well... you are the mysterious Fifth Element!
The Fifth Element, Ether, is used or conjured
in many ancient religions or magics, but is not
something found on this plane. Those that have
been able to make the ascension to the Ether
are truly evolved people, possessed with
heightened senses of intelligence, perception,
and empathy that others simply don't have.
Everyday possessions aren't of much interest -
you are beyond that. You tend to gravitate to
open spaces, changing environments, and won't
saddle yourself with one style or decision.
Indeed, just one type of career isn't of
interest to you either, as your need to
constantly continue evolving and growing won't
allow you to settle down. Sadly, this need may
also impact your social life as well. You tend
to have few friends as not many people
understand you, and fewer relationships because
you simply outgrow them.

Don't be discouraged by this, though. You are truly
one of the unique, for very few people have
been able to achieve this type of
enlightenment. Be proud and use your knowledge
and experiences to teach and help others as
much as you can. Good luck and congratulations!

Which of the 5 Prime Elements are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm...I guess that explains the lack of anyone near me....
I should prolly ditch the empathy part. All it ever does is get me stepped on and used when I try to show some compassion towards someone.

:: Kevin 7:16 AM [+] ::
...